I'm 28 now. One thing I've noticed about biological womanhood the past year or so is stuff that pretty much everyone already noticed way before: that w0w, yes, why do I get so crazy the week before my period? I used to notice -- depending on the month, depending on my activity level maybe -- horrible cramps maybe two days beforehand. (the "thank god no babies" innards-crushing appreciation ceremony. RITE? just kidding.) but of late I have suddenly acknowledged the "pre-menstrual female" syndrome that, for all my pubescent life, thought was a ruse, just cheap fodder for shitty stand-ups.

budget doesn't allow for too much exciting stuff on the reg, so seeing pretty much anything at a supermarket can get me goin' (baked rolls, kale, salmon, pomegranate, herbs, MorningStar fake-sausage patties, cheeses, teas, carrots, canned beans, anything -- and OH GOD don't even get me started on the H Mart / Mercado / Asian / "Ethnic" supermarkets). But if I shop for groceries in this golden pre-period week there is a really good, bettable chance that I will end up buying something sugary-sweet, when I otherwise, usually, would go salty and/or practical. And if it's dark chocolate I am going to fucking go for the HIGHEST FUCKING PERCENTAGE of cacao content, get the FUCK out of my way, other patrons.

But worse (?) than that is my hormones go kind of wild and I wish that I could get wild along with them. It's a week of not being able to distinguish want and need, i.e. wanting / NEEDING to make out with someone, and feeling dejected or just agitated if it doesn't end up happening. weird! did I just feel this way all of the time before, and therefore not notice it?

When I was on birth control in uni, I definitely noticed my emotions / hormones going haywire -- to the point that I didn't want to take them anymore, and stopped when there was a good opportunity. It was like the episode of Ren & Stimpy where Ren's brain is separate from his body, except in my case my BODY was going crazy while my brain was all, "Heyyy... wait... what's going on?"

But now I'm not on anything regular and substantively mood-altering, and I find myself off the deep end, wanting a body next to mine. It's not bad, but it's sorely inconvenient for long-distance relationships wherein you plan a visit and it is NOT during either party's "horny week." (ha! I would rather say "boner week" or "randy week" over "horny," but just repeating what was said IRL.)

Plus, I am just wondering how long I can do this -- lying in wait for unknown deadline of moving in together, finally. I dunno if I want to make an ultimatum -- what would I even say? -- or to just roll with it, but during this week (occurs monthly) everything feels so dramatic, sharp, tuned up.

I just want someone to kiss me -- or someone to want to kiss me -- or non-dramatic, even platonic, but still pretty fun bedtimes with someone. wondering when/if this feeling will go away.