1) fewer people know or care about this "diary" (not saying that people care, but you know)
2) I shouldn't always have to explain my reasoning (not saying that I always do, but you know)
3) even when nothing happens, which is all the time, I still like recording my girlyfeelings because sometimes reading over them makes me girlyhappy. And I'm going to stop using the "girly-" prefix right now, not because you wanted me to, but because I want me to.
diaryland for me = very self-important, and me likes it that way
Anyway, this isn't written well at ALL (just want to reiterate a general theme in my diary) and so now you know that I'm probably going to blab about a certain Guy. Absolutely nothing 'juicy', though. It would be pretty embarrassing if anyone who knew him and me found this diary, say while googling for three-year-old Mary J. Blige songs, and then inadvertently finding how much pleasure I take in just hangin' out casual-like with said Guy. (I am still, as of yet, far too lazy to lock this diary.) I don't think I would be embarrassed about liking him, because I think everyone who knows him probably loves him in some fashion, but it would be embarrassing because, you know, unrequited secret crushes (especially those kind of obsessively tendered by People Like Me) = hilarity on a stick. Er, to sadists, at least. At any rate it'd be kind of sad.
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- today, after taking a rather wack-ass Spanish lit final, I got to be Guy's driving companion for the ~2-hour drive to and from our friend's evening barbeque / their (Guy, friend, and two other Guys, but note: Guy) band's late-evening concert
- he was just as silly and nice as he has been all the time
- there were a couple moments when he sang along quietly to the Camera Obscura songs on his car tape under his breath, making his voice higher to match the girl singer's pitch
- ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
- I may see him this summer, just as friends do; he asked for my phone number and I (along with other of his friends who will summer in my area) now have his sister's
- I just want to hug him and maybe sleep next to him, or have him want to do that with me.
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I want to record so many more things about the night, even if they're entirely not-crush-related at all, because of my ridiculous need to document before my head becomes more muddled (and sleep-deprived, seriously) than it already is.
Sometimes I enjoy posting without thinking. Maybe I don't like livejournal because of the weird expectation/reveration(not a word? a word? what) for comments or awareness of friends' pages that develops. Maybe I write really badly but I love special details and silly memories. I think it's also an extension of wanting to be fully personal with someone -- not glazing over things, not laughing everything off, but still being able to laugh things off, but not feeling guilty about it, and just sharing everything -- and diaryland is at my beck and call.
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- I have to work on my hugging people, because I am usually too timid to initiate hugs unless maybe the other person is drunk (or pleasantly tipsy) and extending his arms at least slightly. Sometimes I want to hug everyone and I end up just holding onto my bag strap.
- and for some reason "bag strap" sounds weird, like connotative of something having to do with sexual organs (WHAT ELSE, MAN) but it is also 3:53 in the morning, and I got four hours of sleep last "night" anyway.
- I want to copy my friend Robert and call jerks "d-bags." haha, d-bags.