Anyway, what have I been thinking about? A bunch of things, but with incoming e-mails and chance reunions on subway trains, I've realized that a lot of Boys in my life have been named Matthew; each one of them is the source of some platonic friendship but then ROMANTIC EPHEMERA always seems to color my view of them? Allow me to explain, distinguishing them by date and family name initial:
1990, D (later S when his mom remarried): kindergarten crush. I think we liked each other (kinda). later crushed on him from afar in 4th and 5th grade, though I vehemently denied it when my friends asked me about it. he remembered me (and even made googly eyes at me when we started fifth grade) but we ran in different circles already.
later, in middle and high school, we were both in band and jazz band. I was a saxophone and he was a TRUMPET, if that means anything to you (bleh). I had long since found others to crush on. but he surprised me one day when, though we barely exchanged any other words in those five years of band time, he remembered that I had sat next to him on the bus on the first day of kindergarten. For real? I had forgotten!
1994, B: another elementary school classmate. He was husky and puked over his desk when we were in fourth grade Language Arts class. I do not fault him for this--it was just unfortunate. He also had really dirty ears, like he picked at them and/or did not clean out the wax ever; I noticed this on the bus one day. But I still talked to him, and enjoyed his seemingly sensitive side, because he was willing to come up to me and offer up how he liked my drawings or something. He also used to brag that his father had bought him a share in Coca-Cola, so he was probably going to be rich once he cashed it out at 18.
I don't know what he did after turning 18. It seemed like he was not exempted from being a target of fuckface jocks in high school (we never had classes together), but I hope that he was able to cash out and rise above.
flash forward a decade or two because I'm stuck thinking about the present...
2004: C. I never knew him that well, because he was older and we were only in university for one common year. But he had great comedic timing and a wonderful mid-Virginian accent, and he went out with my friend (which was fine), but he also remembered who I was (which I always give people plus points for), on several-to-many occasions.
We went on a trip to Luray Caverns together and I still haven't found my photos from that. I think he is still in VA.
2005: O. A friend of my friend. He was one of those kids who was actually really religious but didn't drop hints about it. "Are you into me or just way Christian and welcoming me as a sister?" I wondered, which is weird to wonder.
He was very Nordic-looking (ice queen!) but kind, had a slow and gentle cadence to his voice. He would always say hello and engage me in conversation; he liked listening to his friends' bands and walking around with me at any hour. He knew a lot about things but never bragged so; he always thought about things carefully. He is a geologist, like actually.
2008: G. a slightly-older Australian that I met through other English teachers here, at first late at night in a convenience store downtown. I thought he didn't like me at first, and I don't remember how I ended up with his phone contact information, but he took me up on a message and we met for coffee and talks and walks and dad jokes. He is about six-foot-four and freckled and laughs with his whole face and neck; he was well-read and thoughtful and not a jerk. We bonded (in that pop culture way) over Scott Walker and Sunday-Sunday-Sunday type of auto racing.
He moved back to Melbourne about 10 months ago, but he sends me messages from time to time, still with sappy jokes and political news updates, and sweet quotes. When we said goodbye I didn't know if I was supposed to hug (embrace) more than I already was. But there were other people around, anyway.
2007~2008: W. Still freckled, but shorter, Liverpudlian, and a bit less reliable as far as contact. We met through the friend/MORE-THAN-FRIEND I was seeing at the time, after I first came here. F/MTF and his roommate, both little treasures of people, were moving back home, and I met W. in that friendly but melancholy environment. But we became semi-tight bros, sharing jokes and beers and stuff like that. Then after I came back here from a visit home, though we made tentative plans to meet, I heard nothing from him afterward.
UNTIL. We met on a train, just last Monday. It was weird. It was like old times(?), in that I talked a lot (he somehow brings out this extra-talkative/sasspot part of me? I can't figure out why, he's not so sassy really) and he listened and had some zingy things to say. We live weirdly close, but who would delete their facebook account and change their phone number without contacting someone if they considered them a friend?
He made me this mix CD for my 23rd birthday, though, and it had a lot of semi-emo current British alternative rock, some songs were songs about wanting people in their arms, but then some songs weren't at all, I don't know.
For him, I guess it's this weird thing where we were friends, and then for no ostensible reason, just stopped contacting each other. I had attempted, but it's on him now--I gave him my number knowingly without getting his in return. He mentioned something about "not going out recently"; I asked (in jest) if he had a wife; he balked, and said no.
(Saying "wife" over "girlfriend" was my semi-conscious way of avoiding any real relationship talk. I suspect this is also a tangent that comes with this GREY AREA platonic stuff.) There's still a little weird tension, and he is still freckled, but will we actually hang out, I don't know.
2006~2009: P-funk. LJ fascination, then I -happened- to meet him in real life via my friend, which was fun and more amazing afterward when I realized it was him, who then hung out again when I visited my friend again, who then (a year later) voluntarily LJ-friended me and now we chat for hours, and I have to not go on gmail chat even when I want to because I fear he'll get bored with my typing "hahahahah" at everything he says.
amazing taste in youtubes and albums, many many points being an adorable punk nerd. COLOR ME CRUSH'D. but I have to reign myself in. I don't know what his ex-girlfriend situation is like! ;(
We are going to at least hang out when I visit home for xmas this year; let's hope he doesn't get burned out of This Gal in the next three months. Let's also hope hanging out with me in real life is not so boring.
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Those lessons are still undone!! "FUCK ME GENTLY WITH A CHAINSAW," etc. etc.