...but now it's okay. Of course, now I don't know what to say. it's 3:40 am and I have to get up in the morning to go to work.
Just glad that DLand is here. chalk up one more notch scorepoint.
---
shit went down for that relationship that was broken up in June. kind of want to describe it here, so that I will forget about it but undoubtedly check up on it again some months/years in the future and remind myself of how shitty it felt/feels. and to make sure if he ever contacts me again, he will only do it to apologize.
but it'll take so long. and I should go to bed.
at the same time, though, I have a new and super-sweet boyfriend -- a complete surprise to me! just about the best surprise! (well, it was a surprise when it happened, I mean. not only surprised today.)
he's absolutely swell -- caring, smart, humble, multi-artistic, attentive, easygoing, gentle but strong where it counts, affectionate, makes me laugh, keeps me giddy. I called him my boyfriend, and at some point soon I'll see if the timing is right to parade him in front of my family. (and then get him out of there quick, for his sake.)
but after the long-distance breakup I'm so concerned about being too cynical for this; lots of things that have only to do with Relationships as a concept, not this specific one, weigh heavy on my mind. honeymoon periods, brain changes, difficult steps, etc. because LDR guy was so extra wonderful for so long -- so much more communicative/attentive than previous self-absorbed bfs (whom I still love as friends now) -- until like 3 years in.
I don't want to sabotage dating this fellow now. but then, I don't want to get hurt. so I feel like I should keep a shred of cynicism. not at the forefront, but like a shield I can whip out in just a sec, if/when something happens. if? when? but then, what? URKK!! how does any of this goddamn shit work
bed!